The Files
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in The Room, with walls covered with boxes of index files, stretched from floor to ceiling. One box was labeled, “People I have Liked.” I opened it, and to my surprise, each card had the name of a person I knew. Then I realized where I was; this was the catalogue file of my whole life. All the details, big and small were recorded.
Both curiosity and fear stirred within me as I began to randomly open the files. Some brought back wonderful memories, others triggered shame so intense that I glanced over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching.
Files included “Books I have Read”, and another, “Television Programs I have Watched.” And there was one, “Lies I Have Told”, and “Comfort I Have Given.” Then there was “Things Done in Anger”, and another file, “Times I have Cursed.” Also, there were files titled: “People I have Helped” and “Prayers I have Prayed.” I was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of the cards—there were hundreds of boxes and each contained hundreds of cards. I timidly opened the “People I have Hurt” file, and was amazed at its depth. Yet each card had my name and signature.
I was drawn to the file, “People I Have Shared the Gospel With”…and was embarrassed that the box was almost empty. When I moved on to the file titled: “People I’ve Not Forgiven,” I was surprised that the box was almost full. I did not have to look at each card, because I knew intuitively that these files were accurate; no mistakes here.
I glanced up and the file I dreaded most, “Lustful Thoughts” was in front of me. A shameful chill ran through my body. I opened the file, but only for a moment, not willing to test its bulk and size. Out of the corner of my eye I saw another file, “Various Sexual Sins;” I pretended not to notice and turned away.
I was obsessed with destroying the cards, but found I could not; though they were thin, they were as strong as steel. In fact, I could not even dislodge them from the file cabinets they were in. By now only one thought dominated my mind! No one must ever see these cards; no one must ever enter this room! Tears came to my eyes. I sobbed so violently that I began to shake. I fell on my knees and cried, humiliated and afraid. I must lock the room and hide the key!
As I wiped my tears away and was about to stand up, I noticed that someone had entered the room. I glanced at his face and… and then…I saw Him! “No, not Him…anyone but Yeshua!” I turned away, burning with shame.
Then He began to open the files and read the cards. He went from box to box and when I glanced up, I saw a sorrow on His face that was as deep as my own. Why did He have to look at them? Why Him?
After a few moments, He walked over and put his arm around me. He said nothing, but just cried with me. Then He began to systematically go through the files one by one, from beginning to end, signing His name on each card. “No, I sobbed…you can’t do that!”
I was amazed at how quickly He went through all the boxes, and when He was finished he showed me some cards up close, and I noticed that on each was His signature, signed with His own blood, covering my name.
I turned away, and cried. But now He was standing beside me. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “It Is Finished.” He waited in silence for me to dry my tears then led me out of the room. Suddenly a verse I memorized in Sunday School flashed into my mind: “There is therefore no condemnation to them who are in Christ Yeshua.”
Together we walked down the hallway, but the door was left unlocked. My life was not yet over and there were cards that still needed to be written.
This is actually a version of this Great Reality we must all face, when we pass on. Many years ago, while sleeping one night, I had a lucid dream. I was taken to a room that appeared to be in the 2nd heaven, but I am not sure. It was a great expanse of space, seemingly placed in the mist of clouds that in short order became a single room, with a door facing the east and the sun coming through the western window, lighting up every inch of the room.
Out the eastern door, there was a line of people going on seemingly again forever into the distance as a curving line. In the middle of the room was a large simple table with no drawers but only a single file in the center of the table. Standing behind this table was an angel whom patiently waited for each person to approach the table.
One by one, people calmly walked up to the table. The angel that had taken me to this place said nothing nor did He need to. I understand instantly this was a place of disposition for the life, but not of judgment. This was about a life review, before each soul was sent to either a place of peace and joy, or of abject suffering, depending.
The depending was whom and what they chose to be as soul a living on earth, given the circumstances of their unique birth. There were countless such rooms and tables I was silently made to know. One could say this was a perpetual, going concern.
Each person that stepped forward came right up to the very edge of the table and at that moment, the angel attending simply opened the file as a scroll. In it, WAS EVERYTHING. The things done to them by others and their doings to others, too. All was accurate to even the slightest snarky glance of contempt. It was all there.
The whole thing took a moment. But in that moment all was known, from birth to death. All of it. All of it. No secrets, every detail, motive, hurt received and hurt given. The measure of a person's time on earth and what they did with every single choice ever put in front of them was there. All of it.
At that moment, I woke up. Though it was many years ago, it's as fresh in my mind as though it had just happened.
Don